I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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