You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize