check it out our google latitudes are spooning
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
