so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He kissed a someone with a penis
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
