I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
