smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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