# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
