she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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