So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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