So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Someone came in the potted fern
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
