you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
