I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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