So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
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Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
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