fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
