He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
