I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
