he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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