i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
