marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
