I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think i have two assholes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
