Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
