Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
