as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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