how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
