The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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