Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This show inspires me to have sex in space
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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