I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
