I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
