Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
