Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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