erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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