He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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