That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize