Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
