Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
