Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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