I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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