exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
