I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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