im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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