Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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