cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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