bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
