you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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