HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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