I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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