i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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