The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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