wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
