she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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