how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
