Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
