please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
