me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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