i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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