I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
