I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just want to make out with him forever
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
