weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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