I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
