I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
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My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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