so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
