3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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