I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
