You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
