He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
