wrigley field is MILF paradise
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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