the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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