Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
wow bdsm is so cute
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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