He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
