What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
