An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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