My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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