I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
