apparently the secret to your success is patron
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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