just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
