just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
